Lots of transitions

There are a lot of transitions going on in our house right now. I am finishing my last week of paternity leave. Alisa is settling back into work and the girls are growing like crazy. Viola just had her four-month checkup. It is hard to believe that she's 4 months old already. She's able to not only rollover but also reach for things. She is starting to chat quite a bit and you can see in the video she's got a good little laugh. 

Iris has a lot more going on.I don't want to get into the discussion of how to properly train your child to sleep because there are many schools of thought but let's just say that it's challenging. And for those who think they can function just as well on less sleep (like i did) you have not had to deal with a tired 2 year old. As I mentioned in the last blog Iris climbed out of her crib last week accelerating our transition from crib to bed. There has been some laughing,some crying, lots of stickers, sleeping on the floor (both Iris and me at separate times) and Iris actually sleeping in her bed sometimes. It's interesting.If you told me 2 months ago that I'd be getting up in the middle of the night to put Iris to bed  & that Viola would be sleeping mostly through the night I wouldn't have believed you. But, Iris is getting it. Last night she slept in her bed all night for the 1st time.
Additionally, Iris has chosen to potty train this week. I don't want to go into too much detail because I'd like for her to maintain some privacy with this big milestone. She decided that this was the time and that has made it challenging when she's very tired. As most parents know it is not advisable to go through 2 major transitions but Iris, like her parents, has no problem taking on more than one thing at a time. We are progressing.
I am not looking forward to going back to work next week. (Who could be happy about leaving these girls all day?). So I am just trying to enjoy the time I have. You can see below that Iris and I are having fun. 

Paternity Leave

As some of you know I am in the middle of my paternity leave. It's only 4 weeks and 2 weeks are already gone. It has been fantastic to spend time with the girls. Iris still goes to the nanny share so I have most of the day alone with Viola. It's been good for us to have that time to bond. (That is what the paternity leave is for after all.) But I have not spent all my time with Viola. Since I am not working it means my evenings and weekends are free also so we have family time too. But the reason for my post today was my experience at the park today with both girls. Recently, there has been a lot written about stay at home parents and working parents including a couple in the NY Times here and here.
Until today I didn't think much of either of those. But today I experienced what it is like to be the only dad in a park full of moms. Now, to be fair, this was a fairly defined group of moms and kids. But Iris didn't care. She saw kids playing in the sand box with toys and wanted to play too. She walked right into the pit and started playing. I followed Iris (wearing Viola on my chest in the Ergo no less) telling her to ask to play, be nice, etc. The women in the group didn't acknowledge either of us. I am not sure that it was because I am a man or it was because I wasn't in their group but regardless this is my rant for those mothers.

1. I know that as a man I can never understand what childbirth feels like, what breastfeeding feels like, and therefore will never understand the connection between mother and child. That does not make me less of a parent. Just a different one. 
2. Men are still looked at differently when they are the primary care giver. When a man shows up in the park with his kids by himself he is already swimming upstream.  Give him a break. He is intimidated by you and your friends and probably insecure. 
3. Kids don't know the "politics" of the playground. If they want to play then they play. Please just let them.
4. Most importantly, if you want men to be better fathers (and I think you do), stop treating the stay at home fathers like the outsiders. 

Ok. I will get off my soap box now. 

The latest update to the girls. Tonight we discovered that Viola is ticklish and has a great laugh.
Iris climbed out of her crib for the 1st time. The good news is that she didn't fall. The bad news is that she did it multiple times until Alisa stayed with her until she fell asleep. We'll be converting her crib to a bed tomorrow. I am sure their will be stories to tell about that . . .

2013 off and running

Before I get into the latest Rasera-Holden escapades I have to share the blog that I recently found. Zenhabits is a pretty amazing blog with some great insight. If you have never read it you should. I read it almost everyday.
Now let's get on with the stories. In our last post you heard the story of Viola's birth. That was quickly followed by the holidays. Christmas was certainly a new experience. Iris has grasped the concept of presents so she had lots of fun opening presents. And to keep from overwhelming her we actually spread Christmas over 2 days. She handled it really well and even napped on Christmas Day.

From my notes to Iris:

Then you put out cookies and milk for Santa and OJ for the reindeer. The cookies were fake from your kitchen. The OJ was toy from from toy grocery cart. Then after prayers the last thing you said was "Santa Claus is going to eat the cookies and drink the orange juice" 

New Year's Eve was (not surprisingly) a quiet evening at home. Viola broke us in later that night. She was up from 3a-5a and most that was with me bouncing on the ball. The next day I woke up with back injury. It was a rough start to the year but with some good PT, some muscle relaxers, and some rest I got over it.

I am not going to try and chronicle the amazing journey of the last few months.  I started this post back in Jan and today is April 12. I have not posted because I wanted to have pictures and videos all edited and posted. Needless to say that has not happened. So I am not looking back. I am just trying to keep up with the day to day. Posts forthcoming will likely be more often but have less content.

A few recent shots

The Birth Story of Viola Luce Rasera-Holden

Ladies and gentlemen,
Today's blog comes to you from the mother of Iris Grace and Viola Luce, Alisa.

Once again, I couldn’t have predicted how it would feel or when our baby would decide to enter the world. On a wintery Saturday afternoon, her actual due date, baby girl #2 was born!

My entire pregnancy could be noted by the many predictions and assumptions made by others about how there was no way I would still be pregnant at 40 weeks. This was based on Iris being born at 38 weeks, strangers looking at my belly and making remarks about my size (which by the way increased nearly identically to my pregnancy with Iris) and probably some of my own assumptions that things would play out in a similar way. Well, once we passed 38 weeks I started to change my tune! I stopped working at just about 38 weeks and anticipated, like last time, that the baby would dance out the next day. Didn’t happen.

We decided that my mom driving up under duress was not a good idea so she arrived on Sunday, 12/9 which was great.

 I ACTUALLY did stuff during this waiting period. I took myself to breakfast, got a massage, cleaned things, played with Iris a ton, slept, got a pedicure, shopped for holiday treats, went to pilates, walked and did things on my list from the last pregnancy! The funny thing was that the day before she was born I made a plan to go take my friend Dana’s dance class on Saturday morning. I knew that was exactly what I needed and that I would get to move and laugh! Well, didn’t happen.

On Saturday I woke up at 2:15 am and started to have what I fondly like to refer to once again as belly “cramps.” I decided after about an hour to notice the clock and if there was any kind of pattern. There actually was!  SO I whipped out this goofy app on my phone called contraction timer to see what the pattern was. It seemed like I was getting them every 8-10 minutes or so. Around 4ish, Wally opened his eyes and saw my staring at him and smiling. He smiled back and asked me “what’s happenin?”

I said well, I think starlight has the stage manager gene cuz I’m getting some messages that perhaps today is going to be her/his birthday!

Around 5am we paged our midwives, who basically said to rest, sleep and drink water. 10 minutes was still far apart and to try and not focus too much on it yet. Call if something changes. Great advice because we both went back to sleep for 2 hours. When I woke back up the contractions were more like 20 minutes apart. Bummer.

So we began our day. Decided driving to Berkeley for class was out and playtime with Iris was in. Around 12:30, Wally and I decided to go out to lunch. We went to Burma Superstar on Park St. and enjoyed a nice meal. Wally’s tofu was so spicy it made him sweat while mine was bland yet delicious!

While at the restaurant I started to notice an increase again in contractions as well as intensity. But we were on a lunch date! Naturally I tried to ignore. So we finished and walked over to Peet’s for a hot beverage then walked a couple blocks to the car in a lovely light rain. It felt really good! During the walk, I paused as the contractions were getting stronger.

We went home (3pm) to find our sweet Iris napping and Grammy Jo- Jo working on Christmas goodies. We were also planning a nap and started to take one but I could no longer rest. Wally offered to start watching the clock and sure enough the contractions went from 10 minutes to 7 to 3. Wally looked at me and decided to call Michelle (midwife on call). I concurred that it was probably time, hoping that this was for real. I asked my mom to help Wally make the bed & meanwhile I was languidly moving about. I went into the bathroom & threw up. This was a sure sign that birth was close.

Michelle arrived at 3:30 and gave me a wonderful warm hug! It was clear that baby starlight was ready to make an appearance & it was my job to let her do so! Once again, I did manage to get a candle lit! I also picked an angel card which said ACCEPTANCE with a little doorway that said welcome! So appropo!

Active labor was happening and Wally turned on our labor playlist which had the potential to last 3 or 4 hours. We heard a total of FOUR songs before star was born! One that stands out was a beach boys song, “Don’t Worry Baby.” I believe all 3 of us giggled and sang the chorus together!

It was an intense 45 minutes & then it was CUE BABY and GO….

My water broke about 3 minutes before birth.

My dearest held me tight (or perhaps I was grasping him for dear life…) and then one long breath & push & VIOLA LUCE was born!

She was magnificent in her descent out.. powerful , vibrant & FULL of life & light! She wiggled around on my belly as we stared in awe of this miracle while listening to Green Day’s “Good Riddance (Time of your Life).”

Moments later Iris Grace (who had woken up at 4 and spent those 40 minutes having snacks downstairs with JoJo) came in to meet her baby sister! It was the most precious moment ever! She and Grammy looked with joy upon this little babe!

Another one of our midwives also arrived a minute after birth! It was wonderful to have Nicole join in our celebration. I remember Iris snuggling up next to me and saying “hi momma” while rubbing my head.

In her nearly 27 month old mind, I believe she will always remember that moment as wellJ

Her new baby sister also brought Iris a gift…. A new baby doll! She was quite impressed!

Viola (who was not named for 5 or so days..) nursed right away and was very alert . When we were ready, Wally cut her cord from my body and she was on her own for the first time. Wrapped in blankets from Iris’ birth, she nestled on me with one eye to the new world & one to her glowing Poppa.

Here our family began a new chapter & has had an amazing week ever since. It has been an absolute luxury to not leave our bedroom/bathroom and to spend this sweet time getting to know her. Having both of our babies at home has been the most wonderful experience & we were blessed with incredible support to do so. Our midwives are amazing women and we have gotten to share in the joy of birthing with all 4 of them!

For the next few days Iris woke up each morning yelling, “I have a baby sister!”

My sentiments exactly, except I get to say “ I have two daughters!!”

Viola Luce Rasera-Holden

Born on December 15, 2012

4:42 pm in our home in Alameda, CA

7lb 2 oz

20 ¼ in.

Starlight arrives

If you are reading this then you no doubt have heard that we have been blessed with the arrival of another girl. The expression on Iris' face says it all. Viola Luce Rasera-Holden was born on Dec 15 at 4:42 pm at our home. She was 7 lbs 2 ounces and 20.25". The birth was an amazing experience and Alisa will tell that story tomorrow. We get asked about the name choice so here is the basic story.

Pronounced: (VEE-OH-LA  LOO-CHAY)

Viola is the heroine from Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night. (And I consulted my long time friend and Shakespeare scholar. The pronunciation we are using is less common but still correct) 

Viola is also a derivative of Violet… a purple flower (you know how we feel about purple flowers!) 

Luce means “light” in Italian. It is also a derivative of Louis , which is Alisa’s father’s name and Wally’s father’s middle name. 

SO in short, she is a “heroine of light.”

I am once again in awe at the miracle of birth, the strength of women, and especially Alisa. Seeing the birth of your 2nd child is no less miraculous than the 1st. The experience is definitely different but just as amazing. This week has been filled with wonderful moments:

• the obvious-seeing our 2nd child enter the world 
• discovering that our 2nd child is a girl 
• seeing the expression of wonder on Iris' face when she got to see Viola for the 1st time minutes after her birth 
• seeing Iris hold Viola for the 1st time 

Some of the more surreal moments: 

• Changing Viola's tiny diaper and then changing Iris' relatively huge one
• Having Iris help me open my birthday presents while Alisa looked on with Viola in her arms
• Having Iris hand me the diaper for Viola

 It's 12:25 PM Dec 22, 2012. Yesterday the world was supposed to end but instead Viola is 1 week old and I look forward to the most blessed Christmas ever.

Just like Iris, Viola has her own picture site and you can see it here. You will need to email me for the password if you didn't get it in email already.

Iris...21-25 months

This edition of the blog is brought to you by the mother of Iris and the incubator for Starlight, Alisa.

It's true....as a parent you do reach a point where you are just grasping to get through daily life priorities while still trying to stay present &; not miss a thing. While we have oodles of memories, stories and photos to share from the last 5 months, we haven't been able to carve the time to write and share regularly. No apologies as we are having the time of our lives raising this little lady!

It is mid -November and Iris Grace is about to become a big sister! This really could happen any day now, but we are sending  little baby starlight the request for a few more weeks if possible:)
Iris is so excited about the baby... well...from a 2 year old perspective! She has been kissing momma's belly, talking to and praying for the baby and even sharing her snacks with momma's belly.
While we  know this is going to be a big transition, we also believe that this is a gift to Iris and in time she and her sibling will have each other  to learn and grow with in a very special way.

Flashing back to the summer of 2012, we had some very special moments with our little girl. We took a big trip back east to visit family in NJ/NY. This was the biggest trip we had done to date with her.  She is an awesome traveler, so awesome that she was wide awake the whole way to the east coast:)
Iris attended cousin Morgan's high school graduation  in Ramsey, NJ from the same high school  that many generations of Grammy Jo Jo's family attended (not to mention Grammy Jo Jo & Grandpa Lou's alma mater). Iris was saturated in the love of extended family that she had not met before. During this time her language development began to take off!
When we returned home to Alameda, it was really apparent that she was processing  many new words and in particular, names of people (and dogs!)

It was a beautiful summer in the bay area and in between crazy work schedules in July, we managed to take trips to the Oakland Zoo, the Tilden Farm & Steam Train as well as many ventures at the park. A daily highlight for Iris is seeing our nanny Maria and Iris's BFF Lucas (aka LULU) whom we do our nanny share with.

Iris and Alisa took a fast trip down to LA for a few days in August.  Alisa was teaching in LA and Iris had lots of playtime with Grammy JoJo and Grandpa (Pop-ta) Lou. By the time September rolled around, Iris was saying 3 word statements  (some english, some spanish)and weighing in at 26 lbs! She is still a little munchkin but mighty as can be. Her blonde curly top gets bigger everyday and her zesty personality adds to its volume!


Just before she turned two, she began reciting the alphabet , numbers 1-10 (eng & span) and sings several songs (row row row your boat, twinkle twinkle, baa baa black sheep, happy birthday)

Iris & Mama did a 4 week series of parent/child dance classes for 2 year olds at Luna ( Iris calls momma's work, la la luna!) It was a special time and one of the classes included dancing together on Alisa's 40th birthday. 

Her 2nd birthday celebration was very special as all 4 of her grandparents came to celebrate with her. It was precious! She had a "barnyard" themed birthday party with a few toddler friends. It was a pretty first day of fall and we loved remembering so intimately the day of her birth 2 years ago. Uncle "T" arrived a couple days later and snuck in some IG play time too. Her Nouna (Melissa) made barnyard animal cupcakes complete with barn cake that was enjoyed by all.

Grandma Jean & Grandpa Stan stayed for a few extra weeks to play with Iris so that Alisa would have some help while Wally worked like mad for a huge show on treasure island.  Momma & Poppa also snuck away for one night to Half Moon Bay to celebrate 15 years of marriage. A baby moon!
October took us to the pumpkin patch which just like her momma, Iris loved!
During October was also the World Series which was nuts in the bay area and for our family as Wally was lighting SF orange! Iris and Momma watched it on tv (which is hilarious cuz Alisa could care less aout sports) but Iris learned to say "base a ball" and would look for the Giants mascot "Lou Seal!" Alis ais teaching her the best parts of sports!

For Halloween Iris was a puppy! No shocker as she adores all dogs! Grammy JoJo made her an adorable costume complete with bone collar. (see photos)
We trick or treated to a few houses and when someone gave her a treat she would give them one back. It was sweet. She now speaks with great clarity and in nearly complete sentences. She is a real observer and also engages lovingly with people. She has decided that napping is overrated and yet on some days will nap for 3 hours! Iris loves books ...some of her favorites right now are The Family Book, anything about  babies, The Potty Book and The Lone Star Alphabet. Speaking of potty, we are trying! She likes to sit on her little red potty and read. Two times it was showered upon, but there is nothing regular about it yet. It will happen! Godmother Dani visited in late October from LA and we had so much fun!Iris loved playing with her:)

Iris is so in tune with things and behaviors she hears that she even asks  us after work, "momma,poppa, how was your day, busy?"
It's quite precious!

Holidays are upon us as is the new arrival. Stay tuned for lots of news ahead....

Since my name is on the blog, I would be remiss if I didn't include some notes I have taken over the last several months. Here are just a few of my notes to Iris.

11-2-12

Today we had a great morning at the park. You played on swings and slide. At home your favorite game with me is "chase". 

At nap time and bed time you sang Happy Birthday in your crib. A few times before you fell asleep. 

Your language is developing like crazy. You can count to 10 in English and Spanish. You can almost sing through whole alphabet. You have been able to understand Spanish your whole life but now you are starting to speak it. It's mostly single words but you have started using some verbs too. 

9-6-12

On Monday you got to hear Starlights heartbeat in Mommas belly. Afterwards you said "baby loud". 

Today you were saying "boy" and then you said "Matt". And I said that's right. And then you said "Andy, boy".  I said that's right. And then you said "chelle boy". I said no "chelle, girl." then I said what's Iris and you said "iris, boy". I said no. Iris is a girl like momma. Then I said what's Poppa. You said "poppa, boy". I said that's right. 

Tonight during prayers you said "baby loud". 

TODAY on Thanksgiving, Iris is 26 months:)

Please click here see some pictures from the last 5 months of our little rainbow girl!

20 months for Iris

It has been a while since I posted anything and that is because Iris keeps us very busy. She is full of energy and now that she is running, climbing, and opening doors it is hard to keep up. She is growing and developing like crazy. Here are the few moments I was able to write down.

5/5 Today we think she said Amen for the 1st time. It sounds like umm umm. But she said it in church after communion.

5/9 We gave Iris the peanut butter on the skin test. It seemed to go fine. She ate a little on some toast but didn't really like it. But now she has had a little dairy and peanuts so it looks like she doesn't have any common allergies. Yay!

5/14-5/21 Iris has figured out how to open doors. 1st it was the bathroom door and then the bedroom and finally kitchen. Now she can open all of them. This week she got her 1st push bike and 1st slide. In 1 week she has mastered both. This week was 1st time we heard her clearly say Amen. And when she says it she says it repeatedly:)




Overall it has been amazing in ways that no one could ever explain. Being a parent is sometimes extremely challenging but the rewards are just as amazing.

Pictures definitely tell more than I ever could with words and you can see them here